I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us."
- Umberto Eco
As the quote above says, I have become who I am partly because of how you and mom raised me, and also by what you have taught me by example. More than just contributing your genes, you shaped me. I learned that I was safe in my surroundings, how to be a companion, what to look for in a spouse.
In our family, you are the "thinker and planner," the gentle intellectual. Some of the things I got from you were an understanding of how finances work, an interest in researching, and, apparently, your ability to make friends: mom reports that you know all the others on your morning hiking trail by name. This has been one of the delights of my life--thank you for that!
Some of my fondest memories include going on a test date together to learn how to expect to be treated, flying to visit colleges with you, going on the family trip to Hawaii and another time renting a beach house in Sea Ranch, sitting quietly (comfortingly) with you in a car dealership as I was nursing a broken heart, convincing you to help me buy my house (“if this is a mistake, let me make it”), then helping me replace a broken sewer pipe in it when I had no money left to pay a plumber.
As recently as the 70s, fathers were viewed like second class citizens. I’m sorry if I made you feel like that. I have always known that you would be my safety net, helping me navigate my life if I needed it. I see my brother with his son and am charmed by their relationship and know that he learned how to be a father from you.
I can only imagine what it is like to raise a head-strong child like me, imagining what that life would be like, then watch as illness takes over and feel helpless to do anything about it. But I learned from both of you how to be flexible and always to have humor. Please know that I know we are all just doing the best we can.
I love you, Dad! Happy Father's Day and thanks for everything.
Nothing found here should be considered medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any changes.